Monday, December 24, 2012

What is Your "Emotional Maturity Quotient" Or EMQ?

Emotional maturity in my view is a significant predictor of the level of success that an individual will achieve in their lifetime. Now by success I do not equate this only with wealth. That is only one dimension of success.

Others include, general level of happiness, self confidence, success in relationships, the level of wellbeing in terms of emotional and physical health, the health of one's family, one's station in life, degree of leadership and responsibility taken in one's community and the world as a whole.

There are similarly dimensions that contribute to emotional maturity. These include the following:

What is Your "Emotional Maturity Quotient" Or EMQ?

1. Level of self confidence, self worth, and self esteem.

2. Degree of personal honesty and integrity.

3. Ability to express and feel love towards self, others and the environment.

4. An awareness of and respect for one's inner emotional landscape.

5. Ability to experience intimacy with others.

6. The ability to feel balanced in the midst of emotionally challenging situations.

7. Ability to make independent decisions when necessary yet at the same time be able to work interdependently with others when required to do so.

8. Absence of self doubt, worry, anxiety, depression or other mood instabilities.

9. A healthy self image and self concept.

10. Ability to nurture others.

11. Ability to accept one's current limitations and accept help as required.

12. Ability to be compassionate, understanding and forgiving as opposed to living from a place of anger.

13. The ability to reflect calmly on one's situation and take measured steps.

In keeping with these dimensions I have created what I call the "Emotional Maturity Quotient" or EMQ.

The EMQ is in the form of a questionnaire that you can take right now (see below) to determine your level of Emotional Maturity and thereby get a sense of how successful you might become.

If you wish to undertake this questionnaire you may wish to print this page now and then fill it out for yourself.
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The Emotional Maturity Questionnaire

Please rate each item as outlined below according to your life experience.

Assign:

a "1" score each time you answer "Rarely",

a "0.5" score each time you answer "Sometimes", and

a "0" score each time you answer "Often"

to each item in the questionnaire.

Then add up your total EMQ score.

Questions:

1. I look to others to validate my decisions before I act on them.

2. I tend to follow rather lead others.

3. Taking responsibility frightens me and so I avoid it.

4. Being on my own makes me feel uncomfortable.

5. I rely on others to make me feel secure.

6. I tend to make snap decisions.

7. I rarely stop and think through what I'm going to do next.

8. I tend to make impulsive decisions.

9. I'm generally an anxious person.

10. I tend to worry a lot.

11. My mood is easily affected by what is taking place around me.

12. I am a moody person.

13. I've been told that I'm moody.

14. I tend to get angry or frustrated easily.

15. I'm not very successful with relationships.

16. My relationships tend to last only a short time.

17. My relationships are very turbulent.

18. I don't enjoy looking after children or pets.

19. My confidence level is low.

20. I have trouble speaking in public or to strangers I don't know.

21. I often feel like there is something wrong with me.

22. I indulge in feelings of self pity.

23. I tend to complain about how others have hurt me or made my life difficult.

24. I often blame my parents for how I am.

25. I dislike myself.

26. I'm afraid that being honest will make my life more difficult.

27. I tend to tell people what I think they want to hear and not what I feel.

28. I need others to approve of me for me to feel good about myself.

29. I'm afraid of rejection.

30. I'm afraid of disapproval.

31. I tend to turn to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes or something else to take away my emotional pain.

32. I have trouble opening up to others.

33. I have trouble feeling relaxed around others.

34. I fear others will think there's something wrong with me

35. I have trouble managing my money.

36. I neglect my health.

37. I tend to ignore my healthcare practitioner's advice.

39. I'm a loner.

40. I hate being alone.
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A total EMQ score of:

1. Greater than 30 is a sign of good emotional maturity.

2. Between 10 and 30 a sign that you will likely have some challenges ahead in your life if you fail to address the relevant issues.

3. Less than 10 is sign that you are going to run into significant trouble if you haven't already.

If you want support in improving your EMQ, your life and your chances of success then kindly visit the web link below where you can set up your introductory telephone consultation with me at no risk to you.

What is Your "Emotional Maturity Quotient" Or EMQ?
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Nick Arrizza MD is the developer of the Mind Resonance Process® (MRP) that powerfully and permanently erases negative memories.

To learn more about MRP, experience a free 1 hour telephone consultation or to listen to a pre-recorded internet radio program on it visit the web links below.

He is a former Psychiatrist and Medical Doctor is an International Life, Executive, Organizational Tele-Coach, Author, Keynote Speaker, Trainer and Facilitator who lives in Toronto, Canada. He is also on Faculty at Akamai University in Hawaii. He is the CEO and Founder of Arrizza Performance Coaching Inc.

Web Site: http://www.telecoaching4u.com or contact me at: drnick@telecoaching4u.com

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Friday, December 21, 2012

5 Tips for Getting Your Life Back On Track -- After Taking a Wrong Turn

We've all experienced moments in our life when we hear ourselves say "YES" to a job, person or situation we know deep in our heart isn't right for us. And still we do it. As soon as "yes" leaves our lips somewhere in us we hear a voice that screams "NO! Don't do it!" but somehow another part of us kicks in and our mind overrules the wisdom of our body and we find ourselves on a path we never intended.

Sometimes these wrong turns can be detrimental to our wellbeing. They cause stress and put us in danger of losing ourselves indefinitely. Other times we immediately realize our "yes" has led to an "o-oh" and we decide right then and there to go back to the beginning and start again.

Either way, when you find yourself in a sticky situation, only you have the power to declare you took a wrong turn and only you can decide when it's time to get back on track. These tips may help.

5 Tips for Getting Your Life Back On Track -- After Taking a Wrong Turn

Be honest with yourself. Admit, as quickly as possible, you made a choice that led you down the wrong path. Nothing will change until you personally acknowledge the decision you made isn't working for you. The sooner, the better. Be willing to take 100% responsibility for the choices you make for your life.

Plan an exit strategy. Once you've admitted to yourself you're on the wrong path, decide how you're going to get back on track. In some situations it may be necessary for you to stop what you're doing immediately. Most of the time, a fast exit may lead to even more stress and poor decision making. Take the time you need to get very clear on what it is you do want, and get back on track one step at a time.

Be gentle with yourself. Beating yourself up will only damage your self esteem. Realize everyone takes wrong turns -- even the most successful individuals take several wrong turns before getting it right. Remember, life is ten percent how we make it and ninety percent how we take it.

Look for the lesson. There are no mistakes and there's always a lesson to be learned -- and even a blessing. What did taking a wrong turn teach you about yourself? Do you need to listen to your gut more and others less? Do you need to finally listen to your heart and follow its calling? Do you need to value yourself more? Do you need to redefine what success means to you?

Do better next time. Life is full of second chances. Be willing to take them! Let go of the past and commit to do whatever it takes to get back on the right track. The wisdom you've gained from taking a wrong turn will help you do better next time.

There's only one way to live life on your right track. Listen to your heart. It holds the secret to your happiness and the key to your success.

5 Tips for Getting Your Life Back On Track -- After Taking a Wrong Turn
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Cari Vollmer is the creative founder of LifeOnTrack.com. LifeOnTrack.com’s inspirational e-zine, LivingOnTrack, offers practical success tools, tips and strategies for getting and keeping your life on track. Sign up at http://www.LifeOnTrack.com.

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Monday, December 17, 2012

Example of Haiku Poems

If you're looking for a good example of haiku poems and you want a more modern example, look no further! Sure, it's easy to find haiku examples of Basho, Issa, and Buson - the old Japanese masters. But what about what haiku poets are doing today? Here, for your reading pleasure are a few examples of modern haiku.

Haiku Example Poem #1

Hot June day --

Example of Haiku Poems

an otter

slips into the sea

In this haiku by the author's book "Seashore Haiku," we have something that is a good example of a haiku poem and is modern in style. It's modern because it does not follow the 5-7-5 syllable rule invented by the Japanese. But it does retain the haiku sensibility. That is, it's a short poem about nature. It's descriptive and speaks in a present tense style. Broken down into it's component parts, this haiku consists of a fragment "Hot June day" and a phrase "an otter slips into the sea."

Haiku Example Poem #2

Fall afternoon --

the sound of a woodpecker

tapping

In this haiku poem example we have a snapshot of an event taking place sometime in Autumn. From the author's second book "Bird Haiku," this snapshot of nature takes the reader into a scene. In this instance, it's not what's observed but what is heard. Haiku are at their best when they take the reader into the picture. Here, we get the sense of being in the woods. We're not told where but we know that woodpeckers spend most of their time in the forest.

Haiku Example Poem #3

Dry gray branches

surround the robin...

winter thaw

In this haiku poem, also from "Bird Haiku," we have a different arrangement. Here the phrase comes before the fragment. The majority of haiku poems start with the fragment first. But we can also compose them phrase first. It's all about artistic sensibility - whatever sounds and reads the best to the person creating the haiku.

So here we have three examples of haiku poems that are modern in style.

Example of Haiku Poems
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Learn How to Write Haiku! Let haiku poet/author Edward A. Weiss show you how to create your own beautiful haiku poems!. Visit http://wisteriapress.com to learn more.

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Friday, December 14, 2012

Black Professionals - Wellbeing in the Work Place

As a black professional I have wondered how I can achieve my potential as well as deal positively with workplace stress. There is a limited amount of literature which helps us as black workers put together a programme of obtaining work place achievements whilst taking care of our wellbeing. I have put together these handy hints based on some of the things which can make a difference to those of us who are concerned about not losing site of our needs in all areas of our lives.

Start taking tiny little actions which create massive self development results: Those who are on the ladder of success will let you know that by taking little steps often will lead to incredible achievements over time, the challenge is to stay focused and keep going.

Unlock the secrets of stress relieving which work to take care of you whilst you find the right job or climb up the ladder of success: Like any professional you will come into contact with stressful situation, how you manage them on an ongoing basis will be a factor in how much you can achieve your dreams and maintain your wellbeing in the workplace.

Black Professionals - Wellbeing in the Work Place

Use the Resources that Inspiring Black Professionals use and take actions to look after yourself at work whilst inspiring those around you: Mentoring, books, training and life coaching are some of the tools which will help you build powerful structures around you and help you become an inspirational leader. Don't forget that you too can offer your skills to other workers who need motivation.

Connect with supportive and powerful networks that want the same benefits as you: There are an ever growing number of effective and supportive groups, as well as emerging information technology which can help us to stay in touch and support each other. The world has become smaller and smaller and black professionals can also benefit from these improvements in technology.

What wellbeing actions are you going to take today in order to assist your journey to greatness?

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Saturday, December 8, 2012

Aspergers and Discipline - Real Strategies to Deal With Aspergers Behavior

Introduction

Disciplining children displaying asperger characteristic behavior will often require an approach which is somewhat unique to that of other children. Finding the balance between understanding the needs of a child with aspergers and discipline which is age appropriate and situationally necessary is achievable when applying some simple but effective strategies. These strategies can be implelented both at home or in more public settings.

General Behaviour Problems

Aspergers and Discipline - Real Strategies to Deal With Aspergers Behavior

Traditional discipline may fail to produce the desired results for children with Aspergers syndrome, primarily because they are unable to appreciate the consequences of their actions. Consequently, punitive measures are apt to exacerbate the type of behavior the punishment is intended to reduce, whilst at the same time giving rise to distress in both the child and parent.

At all times the emotional and physical wellbeing of your child should take priority. Often this will necessitate removing your child from a potentially disressing situation as soon as possible. Consider maintaining a diary of your child's behavior with a view to ascertaining patterns or triggers. Recurring behavior may be indicative of a child taking some satisfaction in receiving a desired response from peers, parents or teachers.

For example, a child with Aspergers may come to understand that hurting another child in class will result in his being removed from class, notwithstanding the associated consequence to his peer. The solution may not be most effectively rooted in punishing the child for the behavior, or even attempting to explain the situation from the perspective of their injured peer, but by treating the root cause behind the motivation for the misbehavior...for example, can the child be made more comfortable in class so that they will not want to leave it?

One of the means to achieve this may be to focus on the positive. Praise for good behavior, and reinforcement by way of something like a Reward Book, can assist. The use of encouraging verbal cues delivered in a calm tone are likely to elicit more beneficial responses than the harsher verbal warnings which might be effective on children who are not displaying some sort of Asperger characteristic. If necessary, when giving directions to cease a type of misbehavior, these should also be couched as positives rather than negatives. For example, rather than telling a child to stop hitting his brother with the ruler, the child should be directed to put the ruler down.

Obsessive or Fixated Behaviour

Almost all children go through periods of development where they become engrossed in one subject matter or another, but children with Aspergers often display obsessive and repetitive characteristics, which can have significant implications for behaviour.

For example, if an Aspergers child becomes fixated upon reading a particular story each night, they may become distressed if this regime is not adhered to, or if the story is interrupted. Again, the use of a behavior diary can assist in identifying fixations for your child. Once a fixation is identified, it is important to set appropriate boundaries for your child. Providing a structure within which your child can explore the obsession can assist in then keeping the obsession within reasonable limits, without the associated angst which might otherwise arise through such limitations. For example, tell your child that they may watch their favourite cartoon for half an hour after dinner, and make clear time for that in their routine.

It is appropriate to utilise the obsession to motivate and reward your child for good behaviour. Always ensure any reward associated with positive behavior is granded immediately to assist the child recognising the nexus between the two.

A particularly useful technique to try to develop social reciprocity is to have your child talk for five minutes about a particularly favoured topic after they have listened to you talk about an unrelated topic. This serves to help your child understand that not everyone shares their enthusiasm for their subject matter.

Bridging The Gap Between Aspergers and Discipline and Other Siblings

For siblings without Aspergers syndrome, the differential and what at times no doubt appears to be preferential treatment received by an Aspergers sibling can give rise to feelings of confusion and frustration. Often they will fail to understand why their brother or sister apparently seems free to behave as they please without the normal constraints placed upon them.

It is important to explain to siblings, or peers of Aspergers children and encourage open discussion about the disorder itself. Encouragement should extend to the things siblings can do to assist the Aspergers child, and this should be positively reinforced through acknowledgement when it occurs.

Sleep Difficulties

Aspergers Children are renouned for experiencing sleep problems. Children with Aspergers may have lesser sleep requirements, and as such are more likely to become anxious about sleeping, or may find they become anxious when waking during the night or early in the morning.

Combat your child's anxiety by making their bedrooms a place of safety and comfort. Remove or store items which might be prone to injur your child if they decide to wander at night. Include in the behavioral diary a record of your child's sleep patters. It may assist your child if you keep a list of their routine, including dinner, bath time, story and bed, in order to provide structure. Include an image or symbol of them waking in the morning to provide assurance as to what will happen. Social stories have proven to be a particularly successful tactic in decreasing a child's anxiety by providing clear instructions on how part of their day is likely to play out.

At School

Another Asperger characteristic is that children will often experience difficulty during parts of the school day which lack structure. If left to their own devices their difficulties with social interaction and self management can result in anxiety. The use of a buddy system can assist in providing direction, as can the creation of a timetable for recess and lunch times. These should be raised with class teachers and implemented with their assistance.

Explain the concept of free time to your child, or consider providing a separate purpose or goal for your child during such time, such as reading a book, or helping to set up paint and brushes for the afternoon tasks.

In Public

Children with Aspergers can become overwhelmed to the point of distress by even a short sourjourn in public. The result is that many parents with Aspergers simply seek to avoid as much as possible situations where their child is exposed to the public. Whilst expedient, it may not offer the best long term solution to your child, and there are strategies to assist with outings.

Consider providing your child with an ipod, or have the radio on in the car to block out other sounds and stimuli. Prepare a social story or list explaining to the child a trip to the shops, or doctor. Be sure to include on the list your return home. Consider giving your child a task to complete during the trip, or having them assist you. At all times, maintaining consistency when dealing with Aspergers and discipline is key. It pays to ensure that others involved in your child's care are familiar with your strategies and techniques, such as those outlined above, and are able to apply them.

Most importantly, don't hesitate to seek support networks for parents with Aspergers syndrome, and take advantage of the wealth of knowledge those who have dealt with the disorder before you have developed. The assistance you can gain from these and other resources can assist you in developing important strategies to deal with problems with Aspergers in a manner most beneficial to your child.

Aspergers and Discipline - Real Strategies to Deal With Aspergers Behavior
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Want more information? Before spending thousands in consultancy fees, be 'in the know' by discovering insider tips about the recognition, diagnosis and management of Aspergers Syndrome Here

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